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9.5.10 @ 22:07
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in every way.
25.4.10 @ 13:24
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i was not sleeping
19.3.10 @ 20:39
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I still remember that night as if it were last night.

The first night you saw me undress while I changed into my pyjamas. The first night I slipped under the covers with you. The first night we were spending the night together. The room was so dark, it was almost pitch black - save the sliver of moonlight that danced through the sheer curtains. You didn't know it at that time, but I was so nervous. You weren't the first boy I've shared a bed with but for some reason, I felt like my heart was about to leap out of my chest. In one smooth motion, you took me into your arms. You gazed down at me as I anxiously looked up at you.

I'm not ready yet...don't make me push you away.

You put your hand on my heart. I caught my breathe and held it for what seemed like an eternity. And then you leaned down and kissed me softly and just held me for the whole night. I wasn't even sure if I loved you yet. But at that moment, I knew you were different. You weren't like the other guys. You didn't rush me or make me feel bad for pushing you away. You were patient.

Patiently waited for me until I was ready. Ready in every way to have you in my life.

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go after her.
18.3.10 @ 19:40
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GO AFTER HER. FUCK, DON'T SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR HER TO CALL, GO AFTER HER BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, DON'T WAIT FOR THEM TO GIVE YOU A SIGN CAUSE IT MIGHT NEVER COME, DON'T LET PEOPLE HAPPEN TO YOU, DON'T LET ME HAPPEN TO YOU, OR HER, SHE'S NOT A FUCKING TELEVISION SHOW OR TORNADO. THERE ARE PEOPLE I MIGHT HAVE LOVED, HAD THEY GOTTEN ON THE AIRPLANE OR RUN DOWN THE STREET AFTER ME OR CALLED ME UP DRUNK AT FOUR IN THE MORNING BECAUSE THEY NEED TO TELL ME RIGHT NOW AND BECAUSE THEY CANNOT REGRET THIS AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT I'D BE THE ONLY ONE DOING CRAZY THINGS FOR PEOPLE WHO WOULD NEVER GIVE ENOUGH OF A FUCK TO DO IT BACK OR TO ACT LIKE IDIOTS OR BE ENTIRELY VULNERABLE AND HONEST AND MAKING SOMEONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU IS EASY AND FLYING 3000 MILES ON FOUR DAYS NOTICES BECAUSE YOU CAN'T JUST SIT THERE AND DO NOTHING AND BREATHING INTO TELEPHONES IS NOT EVERYONE'S IDEA OF LOVE BUT IT IS THE WAY I CAN RECOGNIZE IT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I DO. GO SCREAM IT AND BE WITH HER IN MEANINGFUL WAYS BECAUSE THAT IS BEAUTIFUL AND THAT IS GENEROUS AND THAT IS WHAT LOVING SOMEONE IS, THAT IS RAW AND THAT IS UNGUARDED, AND THAT IS ALL THAT IS WORTH ANYTHING, REALLY.

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a wonderous adventure on the road to insanity?
10.11.09 @ 02:51
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So I have this friend (I swear its not me, i have a boyfriend whom i am crazy about. anywhoo..) and she’s looking for love. Okay, that's putting it mildly. She is a huntress on the prowl for ‘that’ guy. You know- the guy that will smoothly flick off the anchors keeping her earthbound so she can happily have her head in the clouds. We can all relate to that right? Love gives us wings. Love is the soothing balm for a battered heart. Love is what makes the world go round. Love puts the fizz in our carbonated lives-I made that one up but you get the picture. The only problem-and like all good stories there is a problem-my friend is too smart. Intelligence is her kryptonite. At least in the category of love. Put her up against a panel of lawyers and the girl could argue her way all the way to…well wherever she would go if she were to battled a panel of lawyers. The point is the girl has smarts and it is not doing her a bit of good in the battlefield of love (that one’s not mine).

She has a guy in her life and she has gotten into the habit of dissecting every conversation, glance, meal, the number of times he blinks -you get the picture. Now I like to be as aware as the next girl but there comes a time when you need to just relax. Its like those horrible mosaic pictures that make no sense until you stare at it with unfocused eyes. Only then do you see the real picture hidden inside. It’s possible to get so caught up in determining if the guy you want is into you, you forget to enjoy the wonderful ride of discovery and flirtation. Over thinking can make a sane girl detour at breakdown and end up lost in crazy.

Lets all fall hard for the guy of our (current) dreams; it’s so very fun and passes the time nicely but remember one thing: boys are just not clued in. While we obsess over every smile casually tossed in our direction they continue on oblivious. Of course that’s a good thing because if they knew what went on in our conniving and manipulative brains they would run screaming in the opposite direction.

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he’s just not that into you. huh. now what?
7.11.09 @ 22:28
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The boy you love, the one you dream of and make future plans with (in your head) is not into you. Ouch. After disecting and probing and crying you realize its true. He doesn’t see the charismatic, fantasitc, witty at the perfect moments, nurturing and perfect for him side of you. His loss. Duh. Right. His major loss. Now that you’ve admitted it life can move forward. You’ve made the most important step towards recovery.
We all handle disappointments differently. If you’re like me you hold in your devastation until it does a number on your innards and you’re stomach is a rolling, boiling volcano. I hope most of you are NOT like me. Perhaps your pillow does double duty; kissing and killing practice. Crying is so, TYPICAL but as long as the guy doesn’t see it go ahead and indulge. There is the sad, mopey ‘i’m a teenager in mourning’ music which I can’t say I’ve ever done before but hey no judgement. Whatever way we get through the unavoidable crushing of our hearts is okay unless it involves a gun, or a knife, or…you know what let me just put a disclaimer out there and say under no circumstance do I endorse the use of a weapon to ease the pain of a broken heart. *Loop hole alert* (By definition of weapon I mean any object used to inflict bodily harm.)
We are girls and we will get our hearts broken. The alterantive is we become cold hearted *&%$#@ and that is a sorry way to go. Little piece of advice: boys don’t actually like cold hearted *&^%$#@. Really not attractive. Yes we will be hurt and we will get over it. Wanna know why? There is always another guy. Always. And likely the male that inflicted the damage was not Mr. Right anyway. So easy to say. Yes I know but I speak from experience. The best piece of advice someone gave me when I was crying my eyes out sigh-I hate being typical) was this: there is a guy out there that will love everything about me. They will think I’m awesome and perfect for them.
Good advice. Why do we settle for someone that is kinda into us. One that sorta digs us. UGH. Its pathetic. We all do it and I’ll tell you why. We’re just not sure there is another guy. We don’t really believe the world has another offerring. We accept and we settle because we doubt. Sorting through boys is normal just as its normal for them to sort through us. Dating is like a really good sale. You have to dig through a lot of stuff before you find the perfect item. We wouldn’t buy an outfit that wasn’t our size just because it looks good. No, we sort through the selection until we find the perfect item. And if nothing fits? Wait for the next sale.

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boys have feelings too?
4.10.09 @ 00:01
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Let talk about boys. A favorite subject for many of us. We love them and then we hate them but of course we love them again. It’s so much fun isn’t it? Boys make our dreams more interesting our conversations more lively and our hearts more fragile. They can be difficult to figure out (as if we’re not) and they don’t ever seem to be concerned about what we’re thinking. Depending on your state of mind the subject of boys can put a smile on your face or cause you throw something heavy and damage causing at your wall (or your brother).

I have it on good authority from my secret insider that boys actually are not as difficult as we may think and (wait for it) they have feelings just like we do. Hmm. Interesting thought. Right? Feelings? Real , catch in the throat, got something in the eye feelings?


Yep they sure do and not only do they share our human emotions (just when you thought you were dealing with an alien race) they also care what we think of them. They can hide it well but the evidence is there. At a certain age boys begin to…hmm how can I say this nicely? They start to stew in their own body broth. Not a pleasant experience especially if you happen to sit behind someone like this in class. For a while boys seem disinterested in taking proactive action toward this new odious development. Then- and dont’ miss the signifigance-they start to shower on a regular basis. Why? Because a certain girl has caught their attention. And all on their own or with the help of generous mother they deduct that body odour; good or bad makes a difference. We’re talking animal planet basics here. The nice smelling ape always gets the girl. More evidence that boys care what we think of them? This is a good one. A real gem. The kind of advice you will only find here. Too bad my readership is nonexistence. Moving on…it’s the way boys go on about whatever hobbies they have. Maybe some of you care about a high level on war craft or a new skateboard technique but most of us don’t. It doesnt’ matter, boys talk about these things to tell us about thier lives. What interests them. The girls who appreciates these nugets of information are the ones that have plans on the weekend. Keep in mind the tender, but disguised hearts of boys can be hurt. The next time you are about to break up on msn or facebook; reconsider. They care. It will hurt them. If your thinking of going out with a guy just because he showed interest; DON’T. Make sure your feelings are sincere or, it will hurt them. If you are going to break up with your boyfriend make sure you dont’ discuss it with any one else but him. Spreading the news through your chain of friends is lame and cruel. How would you feel if you found out your boyfriend wasnt’ into you anymore from his friends?

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heart.
13.9.09 @ 13:35
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" Louise. "
" Yes? "
" Thank you. "
" For what? "
" Being in my life. "
<3

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girlfriends and the way we secretly sabotage them
12.9.09 @ 15:34
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I have friends. No I am not a sorry loser without anyone to talk to- I blog for other reasons. I do have friends. They are a great source of comfort and strength. I need them and I respect them. You see I have grown and matured. Those who know me well might wish to argue that point but as this is my blog I get to ignore you and be mature. Hmm, the irony of my immature outburst is not lost on me. Moving on.
I used to be manipulative, scheming and ungrateful. I’m going to cast away my pride and be truthful. Bare bones, to the point, in a painful way-truthful. Judge if you wish but I know better. Most of you, if you were to cast away the masks of cultural conformity you wear, would have to admit to some if not all of my revelations about girls.
When I was younger I wanted my friends to be fat. Mmmhhh. I didn’t want to be the only one. I wanted them to have as many eranious zits as I had. (honestly, I only had a few but they did manage to do some damage). I wanted the boy they like to like me and I never wanted to tell them when their hair looked bad. Before you all log out and deem me a horrid, vengeful and selfish friend let me continue. I wanted and wished all of those things but I was still a good friend. I did offer suggestions on a bad hair day and I ate chocolate bars along with them. I watched in silence when a boy I liked danced with my friend and I kept my mouth shut and didn’t laugh when break outs occurred.
I would just like to put it out there in this vast cyber space of unlimited resources, that girls are not always the nicest; even to those we call friends.
What is my point? I actually have one. Don’t feel bad when a nasty thought sneaks into your mind. Don’t act on it (have you seen ‘Mean Girls’) let it come and go as a natural occurance in the grand scheme of femine growth. One day the urge to push your gorgeous, well rounded friend down a flight of stairs will diminish. Once we realize that girls really need to stick together and support one another in this crazy world we will find the essence of true friendship; unconditional acceptance.
After all the one thing we all long for and often look for in the wrong places (the arms of a user male) is acceptance. Perhaps if we can find it in each other rather than the opposite gender we might dam up the flood of casual sex that is over taking this generation. Let face it girlfriend, casual sex is only benefitial for the dude that is on the recieving end. We girls were meant for far more that drive-thru casual/meaningless romps.

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